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Before I get to the Shadow Tuesday Primary (TX - Caucus and Primary, OH, VT and RI) which will be in the next post, I want to break down the Fourth Wall for a while.
At this moment, I am still suffering from my Writer's Block. Tonight I was on the phone with Malcot discussing why this was going on. She has known me since Election 1996, so there was a little insight.
Suffice it to say, at this moment, I am dealing with a low level depression (that I did know), but it was because I am despondent (that came from the phone call). At this point in my life, I thought I would be more established, more stable and more secure financially than where I am at this moment.
Getting up to work is a hassle -- I see trends in the industry, but no one taps me for my head. I live in the same town as the California Republican Party, but they never returned my calls. Even when I was working on the multi-level, multi-million dollar event. College educated, but struggling.
What I didn't learn in school, I learnt on my own. Street smarts and book smarts. My birthday was three months ago, and I'm still feeling unfulfilled. I want to change the world, but I can't even help myself.
I go to work, I try to succeed, but I feel very alone in my struggle and my lack of achievements. When the Writer's Block hit, I felt it was taking away from my goals. I can tackle almost any problem, but internal ones.
I can do well in DC, but I am barely surviving in LA. I sleep too much and I write too little. I have no desire to get up in the morning or stay awake during the day. I am withering on the vine.
JSF, it's nice to see you drop the politics and get personal. I can totally relate to your situation. Moving from DC to CA was a huge struggle for me, too. I left DC on top with a good job with benefits and a cheap apartment and a legion of fans from my music and filmmaking. I was sure that California would be the land of opportunity, but it damn near broke me. It took a very long time for me to get stable enough employment to scrape by on, burning through my life savings in the process. Everything is more expensive. And my DC credentials were damn near worthless out here. In DC, I had an overabundance of creativity while here it was a struggle. And you can bet I felt that things weren't going as well for me as they should have. You get an education and pay your dues for years and then you're still treading water. What happened to the American Dream? I have a political opinion of what happened, but this is not the time or place for that.
ReplyDeleteAll I can suggest is that you try to tap into that frustration and angst and put it into your writing. And try smoking a little pot. It's legal here and it helps get the creative juices flowing, though the next day you'll want to do some heavy editing because those juices can be a little bit messy.
I had a much longer comment typed and then blogger ate it. Thank you, my darling for the honor of basing an entire post (just about) around my insights. I feel so important. I shall speak with you soon. I love you as always.
ReplyDeleteMy friend writers block is difficult to overcome.
ReplyDeleteSeveral years ago I tried to write a book but, I abandoned the effort because, I found the project nto be derivative.
I think that your writers block and ennui in general are indicative of a degree of a need to rest.
The tomes will take shape in time my advice is to shift your focus to a journey of reddiscovery of your core being divesting yourself
of those things that fetter and constrain you.
Once you find yourself and rediscover that which, is important to you, the words will flow like water.
I am reminded of the words of the prophet Amos:
I hate, I spurn your feasts, I take no pleasure in your solemnities; Your cereal offerings I will not accept, nor consider your stall-fed peace offerings. Away with your noisy songs! I will not listen to the melodies of your harps. But if you would offer me holocausts, then let justice surge like water, and goodness like an unfailing stream.
Thank you all for taking the time.
ReplyDeleteJason,
I had Pot back in High School. Unfortunatly, my own head is always working on something, so it had no affect on me. And I did try it a few times. Thanks though.
Malcot,
Thank you.
Chess,
I'm off two Fridays from now for a long weekend. So, I am taking your advice.
The writers Block still exists, but I am slowly tackling it. Keep posting if you have any more ideas. All your thoughts are welcome.
You are welcome of course, and that is all I will say here about it. Let's just say whatever you need I've got your back motek.
ReplyDelete