|A Great Movie about Bi-Polar Depression. See it.|
[This is a very personal post by Yours Truly. If you want to stick to Politics and Policy, please wait until tomorrow when more Political Posts will arrive. This is sort of a shout out to my Goth and Blogger crowd. My Politico crowds (CA and DC) don't worry because I am a Pragmatist with Idealist goals. No one questions my professionalism in my Industry. The Blogger crowd saw the Plague Year, this post is an Addendum to that tale. So, read on if you care or move on if you must.]
It happens around this time of year.
The Birthday. This year its 42.
As I was growing up, around this time it was always hard to gather people for my Birthday (Christmas is a'comin'!) which led to a second major issue which ties in with my Bipolar depression:
Growing up, I was ignored. A lot.
New York City was falling apart around my ears, my parents were struggling and no one heard me. I hid myself in comics, sci-fi (especially Star Wars and Star Trek) and history. When you are ignored, hiding come easily.
This song fits:
Since I spent time being ignored, I learned a trick that lasted me until I was 38 -- hiding my emotions and hiding from myself. As a kid, I spent it imagining many things -- it inspired me to become a writer; once I hit Junior High, I started to see how crazy the world was.
Once I found Politics in High School, mixed in with seeing how the NYC fell apart, I understood one thing: Politics/Policy will always be here. There is always someone who wants to be King. And because I enjoyed the novella Heart of Darkness and the biography of Joseph Conrad, I understood I cannot be a writer alone, but Politics will be my Oceans as I gather characters and stories for a future fiction book.
Then I got to college and did my internship on Capitol Hill. Being King is one thing, but staffers will always know more Policy then the King. And one lesson I learned in DC is how important Loyalty is.
There is one Rule I have in stone when it comes to meeting Beautiful Muses: If they are with someone, if they are engaged or married -- I stop. I believe in Karma due my studies in American Political History. Don't believe karma exists in Politics?
1960 IL balanced out by 2000 FL;
1980 Reagan over Carter balanced out by 1992 Clinton over Bush Sr;
1973 Impeachment balanced out by 1998; and
D 40 years holding the House of Reps v the Rise of GOP in the House of Reps;
Karma exists. I am a history and Congressional geek -- I see it.
When you hide, you find books are the best places to be. I hid in History, Political Biographies (especially of Nixon and Churchill) and sci-fi.
It worked so well, i didn't even care by 36-37 if I felt any emotions or not.
When I was on Capitol Hill, I felt on top of the world. I grasped the pragmatics of getting a Bill through, of understanding Policy and of building coalitions for your view. I learned the important "Drink without drinking," What made me happy there was I was listened to and understood.
Then came the Plague year which was 3 years of being ignored and treated like crap at work. No matter what I knew or how I saw things within the business (I study organizations very fast), my voice was worthless.
Hence, the breakdown in 08.
In dealing with RPLAC and the CRP, my voice is heard, but strangely when it come to something (as an Asperger sufferer) that I studied, lived and researched, my views on Politics in the Goth world meant shit. My Right in the dark came apart before I could even bring the third candidate.
I was ignored again.
Another rule I live by is "To Tell the Truth as I See it," That goes with Blogging, and it goes to Politics and friends. I don't propagandize unless there is a TV Camera shining in my face or if I have to write an article for a PARTISAN magazine. I don't propagandize my friends and family.
As someone who learned the Old School, I listen to the problems, if i don't have an answer or if I must research, I say so. Some people don't understand that politics is a business. Putting together Right in the Dark was part of that. When I asked to be listened to, I was ignored.
And like the song, I was screaming inside.
My only wish is to still dance and find a beautiful Muse among the Goths who understands the Pragmatic side of my work. I am a Social Libertarian, I understand that some Goths have NSFW Day jobs. If they like it, G-d Bless 'em. The SoCons look down upon the Goths, I am inside the tent and I fight them from inside.
They don't care if you have a D next to your name.
To win CA and LA, the SoCons have to learn to listen to me.
I just wish my Goth friends would too (about this subject that I understand).
A final song:
OK, political posts coming up.
My question: What is your take?